Attaining power over your personal self is much like training for a triathlon. There are many incremental steps you will take along the way, and you will work to strengthen multiple skills at once. The great thing, though, about cultivating power over your personal self, is that a new awareness of one area of focus creates space for another area of focus to enter. In other words, embracing a new concept and trying it out in your own life will naturally prepare you for the next concept you wish to explore.
With this in mind, I'd like to talk about an essential practice that must be part of your foundation if you are going to live a life of personal power. Think of something you would never leave the house without. Your car keys. Your cell phone. Your wallet. Whatever it may be. That is how important this practice is. I urge you to carry it with you at all times and use it as often as possible throughout the day. Over time, it will become habit, but it would be helpful at first to have something that serves as a reminder. Tie a string around your wrist for a week. Put a sticker on the back of your cell phone. Paint your fingernails a funky color. Do something different that you will notice many times throughout your day and tell yourself that, every time you notice it, you will practice.
You get it. This is important. So what is this crucial practice that is about to become part of the backdrop of your life? It is what I call self-vigilance. Now, most often when someone thinks of a vigil, they think of either a religious ceremony, or an event to honor an ill person(s) or someone(s) who has tragically passed away. A vigil also tends to be associated with nighttime. What, then, does it mean to be vigilant with yourself? I use this word quite purposefully; I am not stretching its meaning or recreating it to serve my purpose. There is just one definition in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary for the word "vigilant." It reads:
vigilant : alertly watchful esp. to avoid danger.
Additionally, there is a broader use of the word "vigil" that does not pertain to a specific event or ceremony. In The Merriam-Webster Dictionary, it is definition #4. It reads:
vigil : 4 : an act or a time of keeping awake when sleep is customary.
If you think about this for a moment from the perspective of achieving power over your personal self, you will see how perfectly it relates. In fact, with some thought, the implication is crystal clear. Self-vigilance is the practice of watching yourself. It is the call to be "alertly watchful" within your own mind and heart. Customarily, we are asleep to our own inner thinking. We do not consciously realize that there is an "I" that is separate from our thoughts. We think we are our thoughts and therefore we let our thoughts run our life. But, as demonstrated in Step 2, our thoughts frequently differ from our genuine intentions, and often do not serve us in our quest to live happy, fulfilling lives. Our task, then, is to take a step back from our thoughts, to "keep awake when sleep is customary" so that we can be aware of how our thoughts have a tendency to take us in directions we had not planned on and do not want.
You may be wondering - what is this "I" that is separate from our thoughts? The "I" that I am referring to is the constant, unshakeable consciousness that is You. It is home. Sometimes it is quiet, sometimes it is loud. Either way, you recognize it. It is the inner awareness that tells you when something feels correct or when something feels wrong. It is the inner guide that pulls from stored knowledge and allows you to make the best decision for you. It is the inner presence whose joy it is to constantly improve upon itself. It is the very essence that is acting out the reason you are here on this planet. Bluntly put, it is You, without the bull-shit. It is You, minus any sense of insecurity, doubt, limitation, or fear.
To get in touch with this inner "I" is the most valuable thing you will ever do for yourself. Make no mistake of that. Once you are consciously aware of the distinction between your inner "I" and your stream of thoughts, you can begin the most important work you have ever done. Simply by observing your thoughts from the perspective of the inner "I", you will widen the space between that which is real and that which has held you back in life. As the space widens, it becomes easier and easier to notice when you are having destructive thought patterns. And here is the gem: the more time you spend in the presence of your inner "I", the less powerful your thoughts are. Welcome to a world of complete freedom, a world where nothing keeps you from living the life you most want and deserve.
Just as a side note, I would like to point out that thoughts are not inherently bad. We are reasoning, thinking beings and this serves us well in terms of creating the material reality that surrounds us. By being vigilant of our self, however, we are able to filter and, once we've practiced for a while, even edit our thought process. The basic premise is this: thoughts are meant to be tools that our inner "I" uses to exist in this physical world. They are the horse. They are not the person plowing the field.
When we let our thoughts run our life, it is like letting a horse plow a field. (I know, my technology is outdated, but the analogy does not work with a tractor!) A horse would have no sense of the task we want to accomplish. It would run willy-nilly around the field, creating a mess. Our crops would have no chance! And that, friends, is my point. The inner "I", the real You, has purpose. We harvest that purpose by constantly returning to our real selves, our inner "I", and observing the thoughts that are running through our mind.
By practicing self-vigilance, we give our purpose a chance. It is that simple. Whatever you most want from your life, whatever you most desire to give, whatever you most wish to feel... All of it is possible. Begin by committing to yourself, this week, that you will "be awake when customarily asleep," that you will be "alertly watchful" of your thoughts so as to avoid the danger of letting them run the show. Let your inner "I" tell you when a thought does not feel good. If it does not speak to what you know, deep down, to be good and true about yourself, dismiss it. You are a powerful, intelligent, creative being. You know that, and you can begin to live it right now.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Becoming Powerful YOU: Step 2
In general, I believe that the "how" of things should be left to the universe. That is to say that, once you've committed to do something, the next step will naturally present itself, and then the next step after that, and so forth. It is not necessary to see the finish line, or to become an expert navigator before beginning the trek. It does occur to me though that anyone who has not yet experienced a sense of personal power in their own life might benefit from a push-off point.
It's easy enough to be invited to take ownership of your life. It's also pretty easy to consider how great life would be if you accepted that invitation. I think we can all agree, though, that it's another thing entirely to take that first step. So, we're there. We're in the driver's seat of our lives, we've got a positive frame of mind, and the key is in the ignition. Now what? For most people, now is right about when things get really tough. We start to think some pretty heavy thoughts. "What if I'm no good at this?" "What if I try, and it goes really well for a while, and then something terrible happens and I lose all my progress?" "What if this whole thing is just hogwash?" "My life was okay before. Maybe this will be too hard, or maybe it won't even be worth it." "Maybe I should just count my blessings and not be greedy for a better life."
Woah! We haven't even moved yet, and we've got this whole journey pegged as a sham or, even more astounding, we're convincing ourselves that a path toward personal empowerment is one that we don't deserve taking. Friends, there's a reason why we are met with such inner confusion and negativity the instant we decide to engage our potential. That reason is the one and only actual limitation we as people exhibit. It is called self-doubt. I've never met a person immune to it. But I have met people who overcame it.
Have you ever been fired or laid off from a job? If not, I'm sure you know someone who has. The feeling is terrible. Not much makes us appear less in control of our own lives. Our finances, as well as a certain sense of our identity are most often dependent on our jobs. How incredible that it can all be taken away in an instant. And even more incredible? Someone else - often just one person such as a supervisor or department head - had the power to make such a huge decision about your life.
I'd like you to consider something now. When it comes to your life and how you live it, YOU are that one person. You can take stock of your life, the faculties and principles you employ, and lay off the ones that are not serving you. Let me take a minute to state this very clearly. You are the boss of how you live your life and, if you so choose, you can terminate your self-doubt.
I had a friend in college who once said something to me that I found quite profound. She was dealing with a situation she found rather frustrating and, at one point, she threw up her hands and said, "Why do I let all these things rent space in my head for free?" Although her statement initially came from a place of agitation, it didn't take long for her to see the simple truth of what she'd said. She realized that she had been holding on to thoughts - about others and about herself - that did not help her lead a happy life. She kept those thoughts in her head, calling them hers and allowing them to be a part of who she was, but they offered nothing useful in return.
Friends, I want to say unequivocally that it is possible to live a life unaflicted by self-doubt. That is not to say you will never experience insecure moments. What I am saying, though, is that how you choose to respond to those moments and, ultimately, how long they last, is entirely up to you.
I want to come at this from a place of love. So let me pause for a moment and think of the kindest way to put this...
It's time to wake up now, my friend. The world is waiting for you and you have been sleeping in a bed of self-made limitation. The truth is this: you are an eternal, limitless being whose life creations are wanted and needed by those around you. You can throw off the blanket of self-doubt that has held your potential at bay. You can rise from your slumber and bless this world with whatever offerings you feel destined to give. You can.
And, potentially, there are millions of people who hope that you do...
It's easy enough to be invited to take ownership of your life. It's also pretty easy to consider how great life would be if you accepted that invitation. I think we can all agree, though, that it's another thing entirely to take that first step. So, we're there. We're in the driver's seat of our lives, we've got a positive frame of mind, and the key is in the ignition. Now what? For most people, now is right about when things get really tough. We start to think some pretty heavy thoughts. "What if I'm no good at this?" "What if I try, and it goes really well for a while, and then something terrible happens and I lose all my progress?" "What if this whole thing is just hogwash?" "My life was okay before. Maybe this will be too hard, or maybe it won't even be worth it." "Maybe I should just count my blessings and not be greedy for a better life."
Woah! We haven't even moved yet, and we've got this whole journey pegged as a sham or, even more astounding, we're convincing ourselves that a path toward personal empowerment is one that we don't deserve taking. Friends, there's a reason why we are met with such inner confusion and negativity the instant we decide to engage our potential. That reason is the one and only actual limitation we as people exhibit. It is called self-doubt. I've never met a person immune to it. But I have met people who overcame it.
Have you ever been fired or laid off from a job? If not, I'm sure you know someone who has. The feeling is terrible. Not much makes us appear less in control of our own lives. Our finances, as well as a certain sense of our identity are most often dependent on our jobs. How incredible that it can all be taken away in an instant. And even more incredible? Someone else - often just one person such as a supervisor or department head - had the power to make such a huge decision about your life.
I'd like you to consider something now. When it comes to your life and how you live it, YOU are that one person. You can take stock of your life, the faculties and principles you employ, and lay off the ones that are not serving you. Let me take a minute to state this very clearly. You are the boss of how you live your life and, if you so choose, you can terminate your self-doubt.
I had a friend in college who once said something to me that I found quite profound. She was dealing with a situation she found rather frustrating and, at one point, she threw up her hands and said, "Why do I let all these things rent space in my head for free?" Although her statement initially came from a place of agitation, it didn't take long for her to see the simple truth of what she'd said. She realized that she had been holding on to thoughts - about others and about herself - that did not help her lead a happy life. She kept those thoughts in her head, calling them hers and allowing them to be a part of who she was, but they offered nothing useful in return.
Friends, I want to say unequivocally that it is possible to live a life unaflicted by self-doubt. That is not to say you will never experience insecure moments. What I am saying, though, is that how you choose to respond to those moments and, ultimately, how long they last, is entirely up to you.
I want to come at this from a place of love. So let me pause for a moment and think of the kindest way to put this...
It's time to wake up now, my friend. The world is waiting for you and you have been sleeping in a bed of self-made limitation. The truth is this: you are an eternal, limitless being whose life creations are wanted and needed by those around you. You can throw off the blanket of self-doubt that has held your potential at bay. You can rise from your slumber and bless this world with whatever offerings you feel destined to give. You can.
And, potentially, there are millions of people who hope that you do...
Monday, August 2, 2010
Becoming Powerful YOU: Step 1
On this earth, we as people are arguably more interested in attaining power over our own lives than any other achievement there is. For sure, the allure of money, finding the perfect spouse, and living in a beautiful home are among many things everyone thinks about, but none of these embody true meaning – nor can they be fully enjoyed - without first experiencing a genuine sense of personal power.
What do I mean by power? I am not speaking of a strictly physical force; muscle and brawn are minute factors in the landscape of personal power. I am also not speaking of power over other people, for this is a path that, at best, leads to a superficially successful life that never actually satisfies and, at worst, leads to a slow self destruction. Friends, the power I am speaking of is much more profound. The power I want to talk about is the only power, in my view, that means anything. It is the power over your personal self.
Achieving power over your personal self is the only way to experience real, undeniable freedom in your life. Freedom from financial burden, freedom from relationship drama/turmoil, freedom from worry, and freedom from self-criticism, to name a few. If you master power over your personal self, you will be free of virtually all of life's day-to-day burdens that keep us far away from reaching our potential.
As with any journey from Point A to Point B, practice practice practice makes perfect. The first thing you must practice in order to obtain true power over your personal self is ownership. Now, for many people, this concept can be a hard pill to swallow. In fact, it is the reason why many people who would like to experience a sense of personal power quit before they really get started. It is a tall order, I will grant you that. Sometimes, it will be scary. Frequently, it will challenge your pride and you will feel foolish. And there will be plenty of occasions when you get so lost in the story of your life that the whole concept seems wrong. Stick with it. Once you've got a good handle on the idea, with experience to back up its worth, you'll be hard pressed to find much else in life that can be more satisfying.
What I mean by ownership is this: you must own everything you do, say, think, and feel. This does not mean that you are defined by your actions, words, thoughts, or feelings. It simply means that they are yours. No one forced you to do them, and no one placed them in your head. What it boils down to is this: you must freely relinquish from your life all sense of blame. You must accept that no other person, event, or chance occurrence is at fault for your life circumstances. Your life looks the way it does, today looks the way it does, because of you.
Now, this is not to say that your life is your fault. No way! In fact, what it means is that your life is your creation. Think about that statement for a moment. Your life is your creation. Look around. What characteristics describe your life? What are the details? What is the general mood? Take inventory. Chances are, you will notice areas where you feel content, and areas that need improvement. Where does the balance lie? If your life is your masterpiece, a continuously evolving work of art, would you, at this very moment, display it on a wall in your home? Because that, friends, is a well-lived life; one that, foibles and all, we would happily offer to others to witness, to learn from, and to laugh with.
Most likely, though, this is not where you're at. It's not where most of us are at. If I may, allow me to be completely blunt for a moment. There is one reason, and one reason only, why we are not all jumping at the bit to show off our lives to everyone we meet, to have our whole, transparent lives be, metaphorically speaking, the first thing people see when they enter our home. That reason is shame. To varying extents, we all feel it. We all feel like we could have done more, we should be more, we are not living to our potential and, therefore, we feel embarrassed by the picture our life is. We know it is not the masterpiece it could be.
I believe this sense of shame people share stems from an innate knowledge that we can own our own lives. We can, but we choose not to. So often, in the moment, it is easier to take the backseat, to allow the vehicle of our life to meander aimlessly until it either crashes or runs out of gas. Then we get out, point at our surroundings and say, “I don't like this, and this is not my fault. I was not driving this car.” But who got out of the driver's seat? Who made that decision? And while we're at it, I must remind you, there was no one in the driver's seat. Not your mother, not your boss, not your spouse or children, and not the cashier who was rude to you at the grocery store. When we throw away ownership of our life, we are not handing it over to someone else whom we can later blame for how things turn out. We are leaving the driver's seat empty.
I invite you to care enough about yourself to stay in the driver's seat of your life, to never again make the choice to be a bystander in the only arena where you were born to be center stage. From here forward, you can decisively refuse to think of yourself as a victim. You can - right now, today, as you are - begin the most incredible journey you will ever travel. Take ownership of your life and watch your own personal power begin to bubble to the surface. Practice, practice, practice, and before you know it, you'll be hanging that ever-evolving masterpiece right on your front door.
What do I mean by power? I am not speaking of a strictly physical force; muscle and brawn are minute factors in the landscape of personal power. I am also not speaking of power over other people, for this is a path that, at best, leads to a superficially successful life that never actually satisfies and, at worst, leads to a slow self destruction. Friends, the power I am speaking of is much more profound. The power I want to talk about is the only power, in my view, that means anything. It is the power over your personal self.
Achieving power over your personal self is the only way to experience real, undeniable freedom in your life. Freedom from financial burden, freedom from relationship drama/turmoil, freedom from worry, and freedom from self-criticism, to name a few. If you master power over your personal self, you will be free of virtually all of life's day-to-day burdens that keep us far away from reaching our potential.
As with any journey from Point A to Point B, practice practice practice makes perfect. The first thing you must practice in order to obtain true power over your personal self is ownership. Now, for many people, this concept can be a hard pill to swallow. In fact, it is the reason why many people who would like to experience a sense of personal power quit before they really get started. It is a tall order, I will grant you that. Sometimes, it will be scary. Frequently, it will challenge your pride and you will feel foolish. And there will be plenty of occasions when you get so lost in the story of your life that the whole concept seems wrong. Stick with it. Once you've got a good handle on the idea, with experience to back up its worth, you'll be hard pressed to find much else in life that can be more satisfying.
What I mean by ownership is this: you must own everything you do, say, think, and feel. This does not mean that you are defined by your actions, words, thoughts, or feelings. It simply means that they are yours. No one forced you to do them, and no one placed them in your head. What it boils down to is this: you must freely relinquish from your life all sense of blame. You must accept that no other person, event, or chance occurrence is at fault for your life circumstances. Your life looks the way it does, today looks the way it does, because of you.
Now, this is not to say that your life is your fault. No way! In fact, what it means is that your life is your creation. Think about that statement for a moment. Your life is your creation. Look around. What characteristics describe your life? What are the details? What is the general mood? Take inventory. Chances are, you will notice areas where you feel content, and areas that need improvement. Where does the balance lie? If your life is your masterpiece, a continuously evolving work of art, would you, at this very moment, display it on a wall in your home? Because that, friends, is a well-lived life; one that, foibles and all, we would happily offer to others to witness, to learn from, and to laugh with.
Most likely, though, this is not where you're at. It's not where most of us are at. If I may, allow me to be completely blunt for a moment. There is one reason, and one reason only, why we are not all jumping at the bit to show off our lives to everyone we meet, to have our whole, transparent lives be, metaphorically speaking, the first thing people see when they enter our home. That reason is shame. To varying extents, we all feel it. We all feel like we could have done more, we should be more, we are not living to our potential and, therefore, we feel embarrassed by the picture our life is. We know it is not the masterpiece it could be.
I believe this sense of shame people share stems from an innate knowledge that we can own our own lives. We can, but we choose not to. So often, in the moment, it is easier to take the backseat, to allow the vehicle of our life to meander aimlessly until it either crashes or runs out of gas. Then we get out, point at our surroundings and say, “I don't like this, and this is not my fault. I was not driving this car.” But who got out of the driver's seat? Who made that decision? And while we're at it, I must remind you, there was no one in the driver's seat. Not your mother, not your boss, not your spouse or children, and not the cashier who was rude to you at the grocery store. When we throw away ownership of our life, we are not handing it over to someone else whom we can later blame for how things turn out. We are leaving the driver's seat empty.
I invite you to care enough about yourself to stay in the driver's seat of your life, to never again make the choice to be a bystander in the only arena where you were born to be center stage. From here forward, you can decisively refuse to think of yourself as a victim. You can - right now, today, as you are - begin the most incredible journey you will ever travel. Take ownership of your life and watch your own personal power begin to bubble to the surface. Practice, practice, practice, and before you know it, you'll be hanging that ever-evolving masterpiece right on your front door.
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